A dank day out – road testing the new vegan chews from Dank Bakery

For most people in the UK, a cannabis edible means eating a chunk of oven baked brownie of unknown strength and hoping for the best. There’s nothing wrong with homemade edibles, they’ve been keeping me happy for years, but I’d be lying if I said that every brownie I ate hit the spot. Ever had an edible that’s been made with over decarbed weed? Sleep inducing levels of CBN are no help if you’re heading to a gig or trying to party. Thankfully, there is another way. 

At leafie, we’ve been fans of Dank Bakery for as long as we’ve been publishing. The underground confectioners first popped onto our radar four years ago, serving up cannabis infused slices of brightly coloured cakes that wouldn’t look out of place on plates in a higher-end restaurant. Our eyes were first alerted to their dazzling array of goods shortly after our launch and we quickly fell in love, fuelling our crush with an interview back in those wild covid days of 2020. So when the elusive master baker Pablo Chocobar slid into our DMs asking if we’d like to review their latest creation, some fruity vegan chews, we were hardly going to say no.

Bougie bougie

The first thing that strikes me when my parcel lands at my door is the quality of the packaging. Both the chews and the additional chocolate bar Pablo has chucked in wouldn’t look out of place in a bougie deli selling high-end stuff designed to empty your wallet. I’ve been lucky enough to sample edibles in various legal adult markets over the years, and these look as good, if not better than anything I’ve had elsewhere. Inspired by the quality, I hit up a few friends to give these little treats a proper road test. These edibles deserve more than a few hours in front of Netflix, such beauty deserves justice. 

Our adventure begins like all adventures should, slightly hungover, standing in a kitchen looking for something to do. It just happens to be my birthday, so we crack out the chews. They’re everything I’ve come to expect from Dank Bakery. Well made, well packaged and dangerously tasty. I’m a bit of a lightweight when it comes to edibles so a single slice often gets split into 4, or even half of that again, so with 25mg per serving, this is going to be a decent day out. When it comes to flavour the chews are no different on the taste buds than the range of cakes or the ultra-reliable goodtime gummies. A burst of fruity juice, a reliably firm but pleasant texture and just a little undertone of the medicated magic that lies within. After comparing notes on the incredible flavour we grab our coats and make a beeline for Manchester city centre. 

I feel like I’m on a ship

The journey from my door to town takes an almost too accurate 20 minutes. In search of cerebral stimulation, I insist we walk to the Science and Industry Museum. After all, I can’t have the readers of leafie thinking I’m an uneducated slob. Typically, the female contingent of our review group needs a bathroom stop on entry, so we wait in the reception soaking in the educational vibes. Immersed in an exhibit I hear Richy B mutter “I feel like I’m on a ship”. Indeed, the grand hall has taken on a wavier vibe as a smirk crosses my lips. Any traces of hangover lift from my aching shoulders as we float around the rooms letting the history wash over us.

For some people, the idea of being high in public fills them with dread. Personally, I love nothing more than to watch the world at its best. The most accurate explanation of cannabis I’ve ever found is that it is an emotional amplifier. If you’re in a good mood, weed will make it better, if you’re sad, your high is going to be one where you reflect on what’s bringing you down. Today, I’m in awe at the simplicity of people of all ages and races embracing the poetry of human achievement. We spend some time entertaining ourselves with the interactive elements of the museum before the inevitable munchies kick in. Fortunately, a group of friends have just landed at a restaurant across town. Educated and enlightened, we skip out into the fresh air.

Perfect timing

A change of scenery and some daylight is just the ticket. We bounce down the road in search of chicken wings and cocktails. By now, we’re fully medicated, Google Maps has taken on an amusing level of previously unknown difficulty and Tilley nearly gets hit by a pink pushbike, but what’s new in the big city? We find our friends and from there, the day’s plans roll smoothly, like any good Saturday should. Fed, watered and still riding the wave of the perfectly dosed edibles we downed earlier in the day, we head home to get ready for round two of the celebrations. 

Walking back to the tram, our trusty chariot arrives in perfect step with our group, the doors parting in remarkable synchronicity, as if they opened just for us. The day rolls into night, and back into morning. As the last of the party energy fades and I head home, I realise that from cracking open the wrapper the previous day, not one single part of the last 24 hours has been a struggle. In fact, as far as birthdays go, this was one of the best.

I’m not saying these chews will make every day perfect, but today, they certainly played a part.

Want to get your hands on the finest edibles in the UK? Head to https://www.instagram.com/dankbakeryuk/ – beware of fake websites and cheap imitations.